So in my list of 8 things I have learnt in our 8 years of marriage I skipped number 3 and upon reflection, I decided to write on “Kindness”

You know the book of 1 Corinthians 13 :1 says: “love is kind “-which seems like such an easy instruction when you are excited about your significant other. None of us could ever imagine being rude or unkind to our partner especially at the beginning of a relationship or marriage when we are so in love and full of “kind intentions” but the truth of the matter is, an opportunity will provide itself sooner or later and the next thing you know you will be unkind to each other.

This is because in the beginning you didn’t know the full extent of your partner’s weaknesses but after a few years you fall into the trap of FAMILIARITY aka “uyadelela.”

The trap is such that you think that:” he is not going anywhere” so you can say mean things and he will still be your husband tomorrow. Also sometimes it’s because we believe they deserve the treatment we give them since they were unkind to you for one reason or another.

Usually, unkindness is rooted in many other unresolved issues. Think about it most of the time it is easier to be kind to strangers than your own family because of history.

The statement love is kind simply means it is in the nature of love to be kind and therefore if you are not kind, GUESS WHAT? you are not expressing love.
So why is this the first thing we are instructed to do in 1corinthians 13?

I believe it is because it has the ability to break down walls and soften the response you will get from your spouse! Proverb 15 :1 says: “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” When my husband was unkind because I hurt him, responding harshly will not assist in getting things back to where they needed to be. So the assumption that I can be rude and nothing will happen is not true instead what it is doing is hardening your hearts.

Growing up I use to see my aunt being mean to my grandmother and I used to wonder how it came that and as I got older I realised that sometimes because we know our families love us we think that it is okay to be harder on them because they can take it but that is stealing opportunities to express love to one another.

So as soon as I am tempted to be unkind I just decided to do the opposite of what I wanted to do and the results were great they forced my husband and family to reciprocate kindness.

Though I have to admit that sometimes it’s not your fault a person is moody but they take it out on you and I also use writing instead of talking because I realised that I can erase the unkind parts and really express what I really felt at that moment.

If writing is not your thing you can just take a walk, pray or have ice cream and once you are calm express your concern remembering to BE KIND, it takes nothing from you but has great returns.

Opportunities to show kindness:

-offer to make tea without him asking,

-send a text just checking on them,

-buy them chocolate when you run an errand,

-say hello and ask them how they are doing,

-offer a massage,

-call them by their pet name even when you are angry,

-when they say something you don’t agree with, provide a different perspective without demeaning their view just because you expected more and etc
All IN ALL TREAT THEM THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO TREAT YOU – WE REAP WHAT WE SOW