We are on number 5 of the anniversary series and it is the subject of kids!

A month ago Chandler Moore the gospel artist asked that people stop telling him how things will change once he and his new bride have kids. I didn’t like that he had to even ask…I then posted that children are a blessing and a reward from the Lord making reference to Psalm 127:3. I don’t believe that the word of God would refer to them as such if they were not. If you know me then you already know I love kids, they make me very happy so much so that all they have to do is be around me and I am the happiest. I am blessed to be married to someone who loves spending time with them and pays attention to their interests better than I do too.

In our second year of marriage, we were blessed with our first bundle of joy and I remember wondering if my marriage would not suffer because of the additional member, as society was warning me like they are doing with Chandler. The Lord through one of the wailing women told me how blessed I was before the pregnancy test tested positive but this served as a confirmation because I had dreamt about having a baby boy. So it was good news that heaven wanted us to celebrate and something that the world was warning us could be the beginning of our problems.

Long story short we are pregnant with our 3rd child and we couldn’t be happier as a couple. We still love each other and we love our babies. I believe children increase your capacity to love because for the first time both of you have someone you love unconditionally and you both want the best for them. Suddenly your love has more meaning than just being sacred and beautiful for the both of you but it creates a nest for nurturing God’s idea and purpose which is the children He gives you.

Parenthood makes you realise there are no limits to your love. It provides an opportunity to love deeply without fear because suddenly you realise it is not about what the other person does but everything to do with you and the love you have to express to them despite their behaviour. I can safely say we are better lovers than we were before 2015 when we first became parents. Granted having kids forced us to be more intentional about prioritising our marriage (getaways, date nights, etc) but I do not believe we are worse off than where we were before them, in fact, we are better.

If we did not have kids I would not know my strength and resilience. Because of the changes I personally went through and the collective ones we experienced as a couple, our definition of beauty changed beyond a perfect figure and cute face. I remember when our humidifier died and Thandolwethu was a few months old and I wanted to help her to sleep through a cough but the only way I could do this was if I slept in the bathroom that night because the steam was the only thing that could get her little chest to settle. She slept in the basin that’s how tiny she was. My husband woke up to look for us and the next day send me a long message of appreciation, something we would have not otherwise shared.

A month ago we were talking about the gender of the baby and as you can imagine the house is split on their wishes. Sweet-one told me he doesn’t think he can handle having another girl because it demands a lot from him emotionally. So Thandolwethu is our 4 years old sassy young girl with good explanations for everything BUT her feelings which are to be expected at this age. Recently she threw a tantrum and when I asked her if she was able to stop crying she said: “mama I don’t know how and she apologised,” I felt really bad because I understood this little human is not yet able to express her sadness and frustration without crying. Our job is not to punish and force her to hide those feelings because that will make her an adult who does not know how to express herself. We do not want to do what our parents did to us, it is tricky for Charles because Sipho-seNkosi did not throw tantrums so he was easier to deal with but I think he expressed his frustrations in other ways which is a story for another day.

Being a girl dad Sweet-One has learnt that women do not learn to be emotional when they are adults and decide to be “extra” but it is inherent in them. He is a better husband because of this and he will be able to teach Senkosi how to be a better brother and husband. We have learnt that kids are our teachers they teach us to be vulnerable and gentle with them but more so with each other. Whatever I say in a harsh and unkind manner they will emulate, they notice because they learn best from seeing. It turns out the best way to raise well-mannered kids is to learn some manners first.

So no sarcasm, no rude responses, they have forced us to unlearn many wrong things we grew up seeing and thought were okay. They have really increased our ability to love each other.

Last but not least having children has increased our capacity to love our parents and God because we finally get it!