The topic we love to hate!! except for me, I love this topic ask my married friends kkkk…

Growing up in the church most of us have been taught to see sex as a taboo and something that can only be enjoyable for men and never women, in fact, most women still hold the notion that it is normal for it to be unpleasant for them hence they do not even enjoy it, many years into their marriage.

I give reasons for this in a post I wrote a while back titled ” Black women’s relationship with sex” feel free to explore these old gems.

Now back to the matter at hand:
I have read Songs of Solomon and both the man and the woman have something to say in admiration of the others body and intimacy with each other.
The Woman
“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth- for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfume poured out. No wonder the young women love you! Take me away with you – let us hurry! Let the king bring me into his chambers.”
Songs of Solomon 1:1-4
The Man
“Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. Until the day breathes and the shadows flee, I will go away to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense.
You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.
Come with me from Lebanon, my bride; come with me from Lebanon.” Songs of Solomon 4:5-8

I challenge you to write a poem, letter, song about your spouse just to appreciate the pleasure he/she gives you I am sure it will encourage him/her to do more in that department. I am not talking about that morning after text you send when he/she is not there. At least a paragraph about what you loved about the experience.
I know you think it’s not necessary but hey if a whole book in the bible can be dedicated to lovers a paragraph is the least you can do.

Look this man is the reason I feel things I never knew were possible to feel, I express love in ways I never thought possible without saying a word… that my darlings need to be appreciated.

Most of us have to retrain our minds to see sex as a gift God has given to married people for “na enjoyment”, not just reproduction. Due to the stigma attached to sex, we get married without any research and we dread the deed. Some even think it’s okay to just lie there and be a good girl because he might just think you are wild. If you are in this type of situation pray about it and talk about it, keeping in mind that the fear could be that the man feels that he is not measuring up so he blames you.

I always say if you learn something new tell him about it, its safe to say I don’t keep secrets and my husband knows. When I first heard about the G-spot we simply had to find both mine and his and similarly with him he told me about squirting these are things we both didn’t know much about 8 years ago when we got married. So as you grow in love and in other aspects of your marriage do not leave this one out.

Marriage provides a safe environment to explore our bodies and make discoveries, I said our bodies because Paul tells me his body is mine and mine his :-).
There is nothing more sacred than sex it is the Holy of Holies of your marriage.No one else must enter except the one certified and approved by heaven.

So like with all sins God was protecting us when he said thou shall not indulge before marriage because awakening love before its time can scar someone for life. It is beautiful to learn and grow together it strengthens your bond. The connection is not only physical but emotional and spiritual you connect on a deeper level.

The first few years is really for learning about each other’s bodies, knowing where to touch, how and when. Then in that process, you start asking questions and discovering more about each other and what used to take you 15 minutes can now be achieved in 5 minutes!!! It can never get boring if you are willing to grow in the knowledge of each other and you explore new ways to please each other. You can go from tolerating sex to asking for it.lol.

If God created sex and gave us the G-spot and clitoris, I am convinced He did not want us to just reproduce but He had every intention for us to enjoy our marriages. I decided early in my marriage that if this thing is going to form part of the package that comes with marriage which I believe is a gift then I am going to enjoy it too. It is not going anywhere so you might as well make the best of it.

I also pray about sex, I ask God to guide and to help us both enjoy it, surely enough God is faithful I can safely say one of our favourite things about marriage is the coitus, it just keeps getting better with the years so, keep going and keep an open mind.

Rich Wikerson Jr puts it this way “try to make each other HAPPY, not HOLY … if you do it right holiness is inevitable”

with love
Ms Dzo