So, I recently listened to an interview about a woman talking about how she felt like she was not enjoying her marriage because everything had become about the husband. She spoke about still having dreams that the marriage had become a stumbling block to. And this simply broke my heart because I was raised to believe that I could do and be anything I want to be!! My mother always personified this by carving her own path despite all the challenges life presented her.

So naturally, I studied and wanted to be able to provide for myself and those I love, the plan was that when I get married we will build a life together but I knew this did not mean I will stop having my own dreams. My husband knew the person I was before we even started dating and during our induction he referred to me as the boss lady because when my colleagues could not make decisions I did not hesitate to make them on their behalf. It is one of the things he liked about me.

I understand that the older generation did not have the opportunities we are afforded today and the only way to secure their future as females was to marry someone for security, in exchange, they would take care of the children and the household and keep the man happy. But in this day and age the dynamics have changed: a two-income household is a must if you are going to survive in these tough economic times we are in, and this demands that the wife works just as hard ; if you have always wanted to have a side hassle do it!, if you always wanted a PhD register for it!.

I know my husband loves this for me and is not intimidated by it because he encourages me to dream bigger, read more books and explore unchartered territories. This doesn’t only apply to dreams that raise the family’s income but even those dreams of making a difference in society, writing a book that can change someone’s life, mentoring a young person or even doing ministry full time.

All these things do not have to be in conflict with one another, pursuing one’s dream does not have to be at the cost of another’s dream. I am not saying there will not come a times when going back to school may be impossible due to finances or it being your spouse turn to finish off his studies, I’m saying both of you can agree on how to address the issue without invalidating the vision.

I have realised that both my husband and I have evolved over the years, being parents has fast-tracked our growth and made us realise that we have a legacy to build and leave behind. We have also started new hobbies; I read and write to relax, he plays golf.

Supporting him in doing what makes him happy gives him permission to do the same, do not resent what you do not understand instead encourage yourself to learn more about it. There are areas of our lives where we are not thriving at the same pace, for example as a new manager I ask him for advice about how to handle a subordinate and if he struggles with a proposal he is making for the business he asks me to help him write it.

Being committed at all levels shows that you are present and you care. His success is your success and vis
a versa. If it is something you both struggle with buy a book that will teach you both so that you can learn and grow together. Neglecting these dreams or areas in your partner’s life will sadly result in them probably sharing that part of themselves with other people and you will feel isolated and this is not me saying you should enrol for soccer lessons if he plays soccer nor am I saying register for the same degree; all I am saying is buy him a pair of soccer boots or take the kids to the park so he can study.

Pursuing your dreams is already very daunting, everything convinces you it is not going to be possible, may we not add to the doubt but be the reason they believe it is POSSIBLE.

with love
Ms Dzo