It is not a competition

I know I promised to write a post on Community of Practice and Anti Nuptial contracts but this post was easier to write, let’s say I was inspired and I had to share. We recently went away to celebrate my promotion and take time out from the munchkins. Because Sweet-One and I thrive on quality time, it doesn’t have to be someplace far as long as we are together.

So, as we were there, I was reflecting on how far we have come as a couple and I realised that most people enter marriage with preconceived ideas of what it is supposed to look like and these preconceived ideas are shaped by the marriages in our families, 90s love songs, soapies and sometimes even romantic movies.

To many couples, the “baecations” and insta ready pictures or the lack thereof makes them feel like they are failing at this marriage thing, but does having a good picture matter more than having a good time?

So Sweet-One is the type that wants to savour the moment instead of capturing them, while I on the other hand am the type that says if it happened it must be captured and on video preferably (in my defence I would like to relive the moment over and over lol). This is a good example of how different we are and yet we love each other and we making our marriage work despite the differences.

Because I know how he feels I will be present and will avoid reaching for the camera every 10min and in return, he will offer to take the picture for my sake-Looking at things from your spouses perspective without judgement and resentment -compromise!!!

There are no perfect marriages and this is coming from a hopeless romantic and love optimist so best believe that it is true. All the wonderful couples you admire have their own fair share of challenges. The point of this post is to remind you that marriage is not a competition, it’s a journey of highs and lows. We should never measure ourselves to others but measure how far we have come from where we started as a couple.

I remember when we got married I wondered if I would ever be naked and unashamed as Adam and Eve portrayed vulnerability because it was uncomfortable for me. 7 years later I can say I am naked and unashamed in every sense of the word. This is a good reason to rejoice and thank God for growth instead of focusing on others and missing my own journey.

Marriage is a refining institution that helps us become more like Christ because though I often hear people say: “she just married a nice guy,” that may be true but it takes more than being nice to have a healthy happy marriage. Let us not downplay the amount of good work both partners do to make marriage what it is. Opportunities to make self-serving decisions are many so it takes two intentional partners to create a conducive environment for their marriage to grow.

The next time you feel like comparing yourself, stop and reflect on how you used to react 2 years ago compared to now.

You are doing well πŸ˜„

with love Ms Dzo

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Nelia Temba

It’s a journey indeed. We keep going down memory lane and remembering how we used to fight in the beginning of our relationship πŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈπŸ™†πŸΎβ€β™€οΈ! Yerrr, fight fight fight πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. But that was our journey of understanding each other☺️. Now communication lines are much better than back then. We have come a long way πŸ₯°πŸ’ƒπŸΎπŸ₯°πŸ’ƒπŸΎ.

Tumi

Amen and so true !