Is my Helper coming back?

So a year ago , on the  7th of January 2019 we met Nokuthula she has since become Phopho and Thando’s aunty . She is a part of our family not because we have dinner with her and sleep under the same roof but she is family because we love her and want the best for her and the feeling is mutual. She  feels pain when my kids are sick, she shows them affection and they miss her when she is off. When we dropped her off on the 14 December 2019 my daughter cried and my mom said  “Thando can’t imagine her family without her aunty” and then it hit me. Nokuthula might not come back in January… for the first time I was worried not because I would have to start searching again but because I realized it would break my babies little hearts. Every time they missed her they would pretend to be on a video call with her and they would ask her how Letho was (Letho is Nokuthula’s son) because I told them she had to go home to see him. When her Bhanoyi played they would scream “that’s my aunty’s song  😀 ” and continue to sing along. If you know my previous experience with helpers you would understand how heartwarming this was for me to experience (see last nanny post The nanny struggle is REAL) . She is not perfect, like many of us she has her faults, the two things she got right is her willingness to learn ad love for my babies. Thank you  Khetho for the import lol. So when she came back I posted on my WhatsApp status about how we all happy she’s back and someone asked me if I was worried? my response was – you never know. Because you really never know if your helper is coming until they don’t. The reasons vary sometimes they found another person who can pay and treat them better, sometimes they want to grow and do something else with their lives and it has nothing to do with you. So when I was celebrating I was saying thank God she found a reason to stay I am not sure why but I am grateful.

So Genesis  29 : 23 “But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her. 24 And Laban gave his servant Zilpah to his daughter as her attendant. 28 …He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. 29 Laban gave his servant Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her attendant. I was reading about how Jacob worked for Rachel for 7 years and it felt like few days because of his love for her ( I will write about this one day) then I came across the scriptures above,  I was amazed by how these two sisters were married to one man and they both had servants waiting on them. I am not sure how things worked in the old testament but from what I understand the women did not farm or go to the market to trade yet their father saw it fit that each one of them get a helper. I believe it is because he knew they needed help. You also need help, don’t be like me, in the early years of my  marriage I wanted to do everything but I was exhausted most of the time and it was not necessary. Thank God for children they will show you flames lol, my marriage, my spiritual life, and social life would suffer if I didn’t have a helper. If we have full time jobs and want to have a healthy relationships and not be a grumpy moms and wives we need to get help. Remember not all helpers are problematic some are a true blessing from God.

For my kids sake I pray we will part ways with my helper on good terms, because I believe when you live with people you share an life together and that is a chapter of your life you should go back to without bitterness. I also pray that we can say we have been a blessing to her as much as she has been to us, lastly that we helped her grow. May you also find someone that your family loves, may you treat her the way you would like to be treated. Remember there is no perfect helper. Pick your struggle for me, I can live with creases on a shirt but not unhappy kids.

Remember to pray for your helper, if it doesn’t feel right let them go.

Rather safe than sorry.

With love



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Tumi Tjale
13th Jan 2020 12:05

It’s called relationship management. If one knows how to live in a house with a husband, siblings and cousins with all their varied strange habits (e.g. one doesn’t want to help with the dishes or clean and the other is messy in everything they touch), and one is able to still love and tolerate them, it should then be very easy to tolerate a helper with her flaws – because I am not perfect and she tolerates me with my flaws. Communication and respect are key. She is my helper, not my slave. Once one appreciates the help they give,… Read more »