Living in the moment – marriage is not doomed

Live in the moment – It sounds like something you have heard a motivational speakers say, right? something out of a  psychology book. Because if you do that you will have fewer regrets and worries. But what does this mean for your marriage or relationship? In the few years, I have been married to Sweet-One I have experienced all kinds of emotions. I would be lying if I said there have not been moments when I felt like screaming at him or wondering how could you do or say that? I have felt it all and I am sure I am still going to feel many more feelings on our journey to forever. One thing society is very good at is warning us about is how bad it gets and we are overly prepared for those days and we don’t really enjoy good times to the fullest because we are preparing for the bad.

So let’s backtrack a bit, why do we fail to live in the moment? mainly because we are taught to always be ahead, plan for the future. We are the generation that moves on fast, what is trending today will be old news by the break of dawn. We go to sleep and the news doesn’t stop breaking. To stay relevant we try our best to keep up and move as fast as possible. In relationships, we face different seasons and as much as you have heard a lot about the bad seasons, I just have a message that says the GO(O)D moments exists too. They are wonderful, everything you ever imagined love to be and more.

So recently Mr. Mokeki was speaking about how everything God has created is meant to last forever and most importantly meant to prosper. It got me thinking about how most people would never deem their lives a failure regardless of the challenges they face. But most of us can’t say this about our marriages because we have been programmed that marriages that succeed are ”special”. As with life we know we are meant for a higher purpose and the struggles are meant to strengthen us and we will make it in the end. Why should it be different with marriage? Marriage has revealed me to myself, I am not as patient as I thought I was, it has given the word selfless a whole new meaning. It has forced me to work on myself, through the help of the Holy Spirit. We have to see the challenges for what they are, an opportunity to grow to the next level of glory.

I have also learned that for every challenge that comes both partners will come out of it as different people from what they were, and until you both learn the lesson from it the challenge is not going anywhere. Take finances for instance the spender will have to learn to improve their spending habits and the stingy one will have to loosen up a bit but you are both learning from the experience. the impatient one will learn tolerance and the one who loves taking forever (getting ready or shopping) learns to be considerate. It is part of the journey we don’t choose which route we will take, some will face fertility issues, some financial issues, but in the end God knows what will sharpen and elevate us into the level of glory he knows our marriages are destined.

Do not enter marriage as if you are taking chances “if it works great and if it doesn’t it doesn’t” kind of attitude, approach it the way you do life in general. Face challenges head-on, rise above them and take on the next one, as a better version of yourself. Good news is you know it is going to prosper because you know the author he doesn’t make mistakes. Greater is he that is in us than the one that is in the world. The enemy is working extra time to convince you that this ministry is doomed and we can’t be singing from the same hymn book with him.

So next time you are too scared to celebrate and scream at the top of your lungs that you madly in love and you have never known such love and intimacy because you ‘re scared they will laugh at you when things go bad for you. Don’t Be. Life happens and things sometimes don’t work out but don’t let that be because of you were too busy hiding and living in fear of what might or might not happen.

I pray that you find the kind of love that makes you so secure that you don’t feel the need to hold yourself back. Wake up each day with a plan to love your life and your spouse harder. Even if things don’t work out you would not have cheated yourself of enjoying the good times while learning from the bad. You would have lived your best life. May the love you share live traces in the heart of the one you love that can never be erased. Live in the moment darling, it’s all you have 😉


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Tumi Tjale
24th Jun 2019 09:48

Now that you’ve written this piece, I’m going to scream my lungs out and tell the whole world that “perfect marriages” do exist. I’m in one. I have married my soul mate, my lover, my friend, my everything. My heart skips a bit when I think of the kind of husband God has blessed me with. He is perfect, for me. We have a super great and blessed marriage. Forever is a word that exists in our vocabulary. I’m very guilty of shying away from telling people how great my marriage is. And the society is to blame for instilling… Read more »