Dating your spouse

So, a day after date night I posted a video of myself singing “ngikuthandile by Vusi Nova” yes I can hold a note   😉 dedicated to the Sweet-One of course. I received feedback from friends who were surprised that married people sing to one another. In my ideal world couples freely express their love for one another without any fear, because “perfect love casts out all fear” 1 John 4:18.

I decided to write this post because we all need to be reminded about why its important to date your spouse. Hopefully when you done reading this you will write a letter,sing a song or plan your next date😁. We started dating in June 2010, my flat mate then  (Lu) used to listen for hours about what the Zulu man was  doing to woo me. Eight years later date night still excites me, not because I get to dress up and look pretty but because dates are not as often as they used to be. Back in 2010 we went from went from one World Cup game to the next , chasing “Phillip” 😂.Things have changed since then .We don’t always afford a fancy dinner and we don’t always have the luxury of time as working parents of two under the age of four.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with.”Mark Twain

Now I get excited because despite the busy schedules and scarce resources we made it to date night and the fact that I get to go out  not carrying a nappy bag  😛  lol. Moreover, it is a reminder that we still see each other  as best friends, we still interested in knowing what is happening in each others lives and we are that not just the mommy and daddy. I see the 24 year old I met in 2010 who couldn’t get enough of me and wanted to spend all his free time with me. It is important to remember that guy because that is where it all started, but he is not that guy anymore and like good  wine he has matured into this man, who is a father, business owner, leader and so much more.  Your spouse still needs a friend to talk, laugh and eat sushi with and the sushi tastes even better when you love this friend.

When you sleep in the same house you have many opportunities to bond and create memories together, take pictures with the kids and sing along to Dora the explorer. It is also very easy to take each other for granted and simply focus on the kids, or your phone/laptop for the 3 hours you spend together every evening. Watching a TV programme together does not count as a date.  The other night were watching a game together and I went to put the babies to sleep and fell asleep in the process. As much as he would have loved for me to finish the game with him, he also understood I was tired and he didn’t wake me up.

It is important to be intentional with our time together, date night must be a priority for both of you . It is an opportunity to connect with your person and catch up on what is happening in their lives. When you met your spouse they were individuals and they were not just defined by the role they play i.e husband or father but you recognised the individual with dreams and aspirations. Find out what is on their playlist, this year I started drinking coffee a lot if you asked me 2 years ago I would have opted for rooibos. Point is people change, be interested, choose to grow together not apart. Yes it’s a choice, share revelations about what God is doing in your lives, recommend books, and challenge each others thinking.

The beautiful thing about marriage is that there is no filter, you don’t get to crop out what you don’t like. Choose to overcome the weaknesses together, choose to face the famine together, choose to be vulnerable and trust that they will be there with you when you reach Canaan.

In a world of “bazothiniti?” (what will people say?) where every picture we take is filtered before it can be shared, the cars we buy  and  suburbs we live in must  be in line with the impression people have about us. We need at least one person in this world who has seen us without the tummy tuck belt/waist trainer, make up, and has seen you hungry/ grumpy  😆  But still chooses you .

I have to emphasize that date night is not about discussing the kids routine or family financial planning. Light, playful, fun conversations are the order of the day. Reminisce about the wonderful memories you have shared together as you plan more.

It is good to know that a person who has seen you at your best and worst and knows enough about you to send you to prison lol yet still chooses you.

So the day after date night I have a spring in my step, I smile by myself, I have a song to sing and a letter to write, all because I had dinner with my husband. It doesn’t mean all your challenges go away but for some reason you have the confidence to face another day because you know you have each other.

So, go on a date with your spouse, it doesn’t have to be fancy dinner, you can make sandwiches and go to a park, look at the clouds together just enjoy each other. Don’t focus on the wrong they do just magnify the right and you  will have peace. Life is too short to sweat the small stuff anyway.  I choose to use every opportunity I have with my Sweet-One to make sure he never doubts my love for him. Please do share your date night ideas.


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18th Jul 2018 20:57

You really make marriage sound great, I love your positive outcome, it is contagious.

Tumi Tjale
16th Jul 2018 13:48

Amen and Amen ! Couldn’t have put it better myself. You are gifted Pru ! Keep writing !

Lindiwe Lily Ngcongw
13th Jul 2018 22:06

Ohhh Pru, reading through this just gave me a warm fuzzy feeling. Thanks for this, really enjoyed it. I appreciate you sharing your wisdom.