Two years ago on our anniversary I was in a maternity ward with our two days old daughter Thandolwethu, needless to say it was not the romantic anniversary we had hoped for but it was a special one. The best gift to celebrate four years of marriage. The maternity ward anniversary taught me to never take for granted the freedom(we have)to choose how we celebrate our anniversary, because for the first time I had no choice but to be at the hospital.
The year before that I just breastfeeding our first born at least so I had more flexibility in my choices, not a week long holiday in some secret location with limited cellphone connection of-course but at least I could choose to go out for dinner with my husband.
This year my babies are four and two years old and they don’t need me as much as they did a year or two ago. So guess what we did, we used our options and booked a weekend away at Mount Grace 🙂
The service there was excellent, they went out of their way to make our stay special. We ordered in, made time for reading and we just loved on each other for the whole weekend. It was amazing.
When you are a working mom and dad or run your own business, going on a date with your person can be hard, if you are lucky you can go out twice in a month at most. And needless to say date night does not happen without commitment, ideally once a week should be the standard because I have realised that it makes a huge difference in keeping your connection strong.
Life is not kind and sometimes you don’t realize the devils your partner is fighting (so you end up adding to)but we are very quick to add to their stress before finding out why they are cagey or irritable.
We can’t do weekly dates because we try to have family night out once a month and sometimes we don’t have the money for eating out. But if you really feel like the frequency of your love connection is not clear, going away for a few days can really help.
” It is not that you don’t love each other anymore it just means you are slowly becoming strangers. There are things you will never understand until you ask the right questions”.
Most of you will agree with me when I say that it’s hard to ask the right questions when you are busy dealing with a sick child or a demanding boss to name a few. Your mind is preoccupied and you say things that may be misunderstood by your partner. Perhaps you think it is not possible for two people who live in the same house to become strangers but it is. When we were engaged, a friend invited us to cornerstone couples meeting the preacher spoke about partners who had become good neighbors and we laughed about it because we could not imagine sleeping in separate beds 😆 it sounded crazy at the time but I can now confirm 6 years later that we have slept in different beds some nights because of the kids.
What this guy was referring to was a husband and wife who tolerated one another but did not demand or ask for anything over and above what the other partner was willing to give. They both didn’t know what was happening in the other persons life and they were okay with it.
I am sure they didn’t get married only to be good neighbors but they both wanted all that love promised to bring and be. Friendship, intimacy, trust, happiness and so much more. Do not let life’s troubles pull you apart instead fight for your connection because your marriage depends on it. Long drives are beautiful because you get to bond on your way to your destination and when you arrive at your destination you explore together. Husbands can be quiet but trust me a three to seven hours drive will help you decode what is in his heart and mind.
Ideas on what to do on your weekend away:
- Read and share what you have learnt
- Have romantic playlist or the album you played when you first started dating
- Play games (lots of games lol)
- Go on game drives (always ask for a guide they add to the experience)
- Massages, Jacuzzi sessions
- Write or tell each other at least three things you admire about your partner
- Go out on dates while you are there (dress up, get a small gift write a note just make it fun)
- Have a mini photo-shoot
- Pray for each other and for your marriage
All couples need a holiday to disconnect from it all and connect with each other. Trust me the proof is in the pudding and I am enjoying the fruits. 😉