So listening to Michelle Obama made me think about equality and  what it means for marriage. 

I immediately remembered a sermon about how in the beginning God created “them”(male and female) in his image. You can read it for yourself in Genesis 5 verse 2.

What is it that Michelle said? in essence she was saying how important it is to be a team player and push the other partner to be better and do better. And that we must be careful of not to settle with people who will not call us out when we are wrong, that person maybe easier to deal with but they will cost you in the long run. I am paraphrasing you can listen to her great interview with Gail King on the link https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wgzV7L1Y8N0

Now back to my genesis story, so God had us in mind in the beginning, what do I mean ? women are not an after thought. Both male and female were created on purpose with a purpose (see what I did there 😆 ) and with wisdom, gifts and talents to execute their God given purpose. If that was not the case there would not be a need to command one to submit for the family to work. Can you imagine having skilled pilots both very intelligent but also none wants to give the other opportunity to lead chances are the plane may crash because both want to have the final say. This doesn’t mean the co-pilot is insignificant, weak or even stupid. It just means they both understand that for the plane to reach its destination one has to contribute by advising, cautioning and supporting the captain. So do not be fooled the one who knows how to use her influence correctly and still accomplish the best results for the team without the title leader is also more than capable of leading. It takes a very strong, mature person to submit, it is not a command the weak find easy to execute. It takes wisdom.

 

It is very attractive to a man because they know all that you are and all you are capable of, your choice to trust them to be captain is the highest form of respect.It can never go out of fashion. So it is not just bending to serve him food, but saying I thought you were going back to work but if full time business is what you want to do I will support you  because you are captain of this plane and I am your helper. We have to trust that God will not give your husband this role if he did not think he was capable of taking the family to  the destination, with your assistance as co-pilot of cause. What do I mean ? as a wife I really want him to take the offer but you decide to support him because he strongly believes that is where he should be. This means you don’t wait for the first disappointment to happen and you say I told you please just stop this nonsense already. As a team player you understand that for the striker to score there needs to be a good midfielder who assists the striker to score. So if you are good at marketing , you draft a marketing plan for him ,you pray for the meetings he schedules. 

 

Michelle speaks about choosing your equal an asset to the team not a bench-warmer. No one wants to be in a losing team, they pick the fittest person because they want to win . The are reasons your husband picked you as a partner in the game of life, you represent a fit partner who will ensure you both win. So when Sweet-One is working late and I want to write a blog post or read a book I’ll beg him to read and tuck in the kids, if he is swamped he usually says “you are not being team player right now” he is simply saying I’m working late so we have money for noodles the least you can do is tuck them in. Both of us have to take turns assisting one another reach our goals because when one wins the team wins. It is important to remember your worth, the value you bring to the team and remember it is essential for the success of the team. If you want a person who will not hold you accountable then you are doomed. If the role of a helper was not important God would not have sent the Holy spirit to counsel, comfort, reveal truth to us.

 

Teams do not win on individual effort, because two is better than one. If the captain falls asleep at the wheel the co pilot assists him and keeps with awake especially when he is exhausted. Pilots get tired, husbands get discouraged.

That is not necessarily the time to say I did say I told you so. Even when they come back and say I think we need to take route you had initially preferred you say ok and move on because you have done your job as Helper. A helper also intercedes on our behalf, there is no one better to reveal the truth to your husband like the Holy spirit, if you have offered advice and you see things are not going well ask God to reveal what you are saying to him.

One last thing I learnt from Nomusa Mngomezulu my madam chair  😀 is that a helper helps where there is a need, so you don’t find his weakness to ridicule him but you learn all his weaknesses to fulfill your role better as a helper. If he was perfect and did not need help you would not be in his life.

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Refilwe

Powerful, reading this reminded me why I chose my wife, to partner with me so that together we can become a stronger team. Together we prosper, devided we fall!

Tumi Tjale

So profound ! Very true insights. Thank you Pru !