New year’s eve I took Thandolwethu to my mother’s place because Sweet-One and I desperately needed to Dezemba even if it’s just for one night ( for those who don’t know what to Dezemba means , it is alot of things to different people but for the purpose of this post it means have reckless fun like we don’t have responsibilities 😆 ). On our way there she was napping and I realized how quiet it was because Phopho was not in the car. Then I said to Sweet-One I can’t believe we ever complained about exhaustion when we had one child 🤷🏽♀️and we laughed about it. Now that we have two, one feels like parenting lite. I think if we had another child we would probably laugh at ourselves for ever having thought having two kids was a lot of work. Like with everything in life we are given what we are able to handle at a particular point of our lives. When we were newlyweds, we had to get used to taking care of each other first and when we were ready God added a blessing that came with sleepless nights, cuddles and more. When we were blessed with our first child we learnt that we were capable of nurturing and sharing each other with another human, moreover, our love can be multiplied.
As we grow each level brings with it new challenges. This will happen whether you are single or married, its life. Life is a process of evolving, we are born and drink milk but eventually we mature to meat. The teething process is painful sometimes babies get high fever and diarrhea but it is a natural progression which everyone has to go through. If you don’t go through teething you don’t get to eat the meat. But the Lord knows what we need and he gives us the strength to bear all the growing pains that comes with each stage.
Every marriage goes through stages too, the trick is to recognize the growing pains for what they are. We are never the same after each challenge, because they are not meant to break you but to make you. The good news is that after some time the caterpillar becomes a beautiful butterfly. Call me an optimist or naive but I believe that something as beautiful as marriage can not be doomed. It teaches us to love like Christ, it also reveals all our insecurities, but it is not meant to destroy us but to make us. My husband and I do not argue about the things we used to argue about five years ago, because we are not in the same level we used to be. These days our problems are centered around kicking toddlers out of our bedroom and we wish we could have used the space we had in the first years of our marriage instead of turning our backs on each other over a petty argument. Now when we have a disagreement I have no time for sulking like I used (thank God) in fact now I can be angry and two minutes later I offer him tea, if he is wrong he will apologize but I had to learn forgiving quicker because I find no pleasure in punishing him and he finds no pleasure in hurting me.
Life is process of growing whether we like it or not. Part of this process means we will face challenges. My prayer for you in this new year is that you will recognize the challenge for your marriage for what it is. Tackle it together as one team.