So, I wanted to post this on workers’ day but I couldn’t the kids kept me busy, and I was praying that my current nanny comes back from the long weekend so I can reassure myself that I am not a horrible employer.Okay, let me start at the beginning so you understand why I was starting to think I am horrible employer.
Our mothers took care of us with the help of family (grandmother/aunts/sisters)or no help at all. So we look back and wonder how they did it. There are advantages and disadvantages to that. The advantage is that you know the people taking care of your children love them and parents get to bond with the kids more. The disadvantage is that your marriage can take a strain because you are both busy trying to be mom and dad you forget to be wife and husband.
Most of us have never had anyone work for them until you became and mommy and an instant employer. I have always had issues with opening my home up to a stranger, apart from not being able to walk around naked and farting when you want to, it’s a huge adjustment for the kids too. For our first born we never had to deal with nanny drama thanks to my mom , but when we had our second child things became hectic,its one thing taking one baby along to a party but taking two is a whole new ballgame. Plus mommy and daddy need time out from the babies, so we had to get full time help. I didn’t want drama so I thought I should go the agency route let them deal with the vetting and training and I just interview a few people and pick one. Easy right ? wrong, I’ m on nanny number 3 in 4months and the latest one is not from an agency.
The first one was good with my two year old and loved house work but didn’t get along with my baby girl, that should have been enough for me to let her go since she was there because her. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it, I kept hoping they would get used to each other…until she got paid and didn’t come back. I was relieved that I didn’t have to do the letting go. Second one was an older woman with more experience and she loved my Thando and the feeling was mutual. Sorry I can’t say the same with big brother, he is two and he is still adjusting to having a baby sister so Sweet-One and I choose to respond differently to him acting up, because we know he is just crying out for our attention. Gogo on the other hand liked shouting and my baby was scared of her he couldn’t even tell her he needed to go to the loo 😥 It was bad 😥.She was master manipulator, she had me eating out of the palm of her hand. She knew I would do anything to have a stable nanny, so she capitalized on that. She would randomly remind me how lucky I was to have her, just before she tells me she needs a day off to attend to a family matter.(Does this count as gossip?thinking out loud). After her first week she tells me she has a calling and she needs to do her lessons weekends meaning she wants to work only 5days a week on the same salary. Again because I’m scared of losing her, I say okay. I was unhappy but I was too scared to do anything about it, I know, sad right? Decided to tell her that she can only take one weekend off because at this point I felt like I could take the baby to crèche because she was not available after hours and that was not what we had agreed on. Guess what? she didn’t come back after Easter weekend. This time I was not very disappointed because I didn’t like the arrangement anymore and I felt like she was my boss🙈.
So I prayed that God should intervene because if I don’t get a good nanny I will have to take to my baby to crèche. So I have a new nanny she is a year older than me so she doesn’t get angry when I tell her how I want her to take care of my babies. She is a mother of two and the kids like her. So big brother wouldn’t let her bath him at first, but I didn’t blame him I would also say no if there was a new person offering to bath me every month.
She went home for the long weekend and she is back so I don’t think I am a bad employer, the other two were not suitable for my family. When I told my colleague how scared I was that she might not come back and she simply said “that’s every working mom’s prayer girl”Mpume. So after another lady told me she is on nanny number 7 in 4months, I didn’t feel so bad after all. So the nanny struggle is real, but we should not let ourselves be bullied in our own homes. Yes, the good ones are far in between, but they do exist. When you find one you can only pray they don’t leave but don’t compromise your peace and your children’s happiness to keep them. Remember no one is doing anyone a favor we need one another. It is okay to demand value for your money. I don’t believe you have to be harsh for them to respect you, because if you are too nice they take advantage of you. That is just too much work for me and I am not about to change because of one person. The right person will respect you you regardless. They are not perfect as you are not perfect yourself, you must just choose what you are willing to live with. I hope this is the last one until Thando goes to creche, I simply can’t introduce Phopho to another aunty.
Please do share your nanny struggles, have you ever felt like you were bullied by your nanny? or am the only one 🙄