To my baby
The one thing we pray for, is that we do not give you a childhood you will need to recover from when you older.
In the past 2 years, I have learnt that every parent loves their child regardless of how they choose to treat them or show that love. As a parent my first point of reference is your gogo (grandma) and mkhulu (grandad) and like it or not my parenting style is influenced by what I have seen them do. Although your grandparents meant well, I will not apply everything I saw them do and I’m sure they said the same thing about their parents. As your parents we have to make a conscious decision to be the kind of parents you need. Your great grandma believes if you always carry a baby even when they are not crying then you are spoiling the baby. But both Sweet-One and I believe that babies can never get too much attention, plus carrying you is not just for you but for us as well. So one day when you are a parent you will also have some things that you will wish we did differently, but you must always remember we gave it our all. The one thing we pray for, is that we do not give you a childhood you will need to recover from when you older.
Through your father, I have seen that it’s not only moms who love deeply and feel pain when their babies are not well. One of the nights you had a fever and we found ourselves in the emergency ward, your father was the one carrying you the whole time even when the doctor was checking you, as if you would get worse if he put you down. It was beautiful to watch. I have experienced a glimpse of the depth of love that God has for us, because it doesn’t matter how exhausted I am and how bad you have been, I still find it in me give you unconditional love. I realised the great responsibility placed on parents to shape their children’s view of the world with the help of teachers and family and other people in your life.
I have also learned that ultimately it is about a divine destiny that you are here to fulfill and not about the dream we may have for you. I have learnt to love and appreciate all your grandparents did for us despite their faults. I remember one piece of advice MmaThwala, gave a friend of mine a long time ago when she was blaming her parents for their separation “don’t blame your parents for their decisions, let’s wait and see what kind parent you will be” I’m paraphrasing. It is only when you are in that position yourself that you fully appreciate how difficult it is to have your decisions affect other people.
Yes, I have learnt the love language “Acts of service” mainly because it is your father’s love language but also because you also need it from me as you relied on me for food for the first six months of your life at whatever hour you demanded it, I had to supply. I fully understand what Solomon meant when he said for everything in life there is a season, if I loathed the period of nursing and loving you I would not be able to enjoy your independence and that you can choose cracker over yoghurt now 😀 .
I am writing this because your 2nd birthday is around the corner and two months after that you will be promoted to big brother. I am nervous and excited about the new phase in our lives.
I’m nervous because I want to be able to give you all the love and attention and I don’t want you to feel that the arrival of your sister will ever change our love for you. I am nervous that the adjustment may lead to you feeling neglected by mommy and daddy. I sometimes wonder if we will get to cuddle, kiss, hug the way we do now. You are not bothered by your sister as the belly gets bigger you continue to climb on top and give mommy a squeeze and your sister kicks as if she is warning you of her arrival.
You have been the centre of our world you have brought us so much joy and laughter and we cannot imagine us without you. There is no doubt in my mind that you and your sister in this season of our lives are what we need.
I’m excited you will have company, I’m excited you will learn to share us and some of your favourite toys, I’m excited you will learn to give and receive unconditional love to someone else other than mom and dad. I’m excited you will have someone to share memories with.
Sipho-seNkosi (God’s gift)